Dear Friends,
In this week's newsletter, we'll take on the second third of our 12-step journey. It is my hope that for you build your awareness and help you take action to overcome the fear and anxiety that you may experience related to public speaking.
Even if you don’t think shame could be a reason for your fear of public speaking, these steps will allow you to become powerful and effective whenever you communicate by being calm, confident, and compelling.
If you missed the previous newsletters in the series, please take a moment to read these before you join us for Steps Six through Eight:
Step Six: Admit Others May Have Information That Can Be Helpful to You
Don’t be that person who says, “This is how I always do it.” Instead, try saying, “I’ve never done it that way before, but I’m willing to try!” or “I’m scared, but I’ll go for it!” Be open to the fact there may be a better way even if you can’t see it yet.
It’s possible to be blinded by fear and shame, so be open and listen; you may discover a way you hadn’t thought of that feels good and supports you. It won’t do any good to admit others may have information you could benefit from if you don’t ask for their help, so ask!
As Brené Brown warns, “If you judge asking for help by saying you don’t like asking for it, you are judging others when they ask you for help.” Yes, that’s what she says! Could she be right?
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Step Seven: Accept Triggers as Powerful Lessons
Accept triggers, (described in mental health terms as something that affects your emotional state, often significantly, by causing extreme overwhelm or distress) as the powerful lessons they are meant to be. Triggers often cause writing or speaking resistance.
Ask yourself why what was said or done bothered you so much. Did you recognize your own unwanted behavior in it? Is it an opportunity to have an honest discussion instead of holding it in passive aggressively? Our triggers often lead us to avoid certain topics or dread the Q&A portion of a presentation, in fear of that very subject appearing. When you realize that being triggered is an invitation to heal a part of you instead of an invitation to blame the other person or circumstance, it changes how you respond. Ask what the lesson is, listen to your inner voice, and take the action necessary to learn from it. You can then move forward with one less issue taking your power away.
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Step Eight: Doing It For You is Enough and Valid
My clients often say, “I want to share this because I know it will help others.” That is commendable and it might make it easier for you because we’re often taught it would be selfish to do anything for yourself.
Guess what? You can do for others later if you want. Just know that doing it for you is enough. When I finally spoke out about the shameful secret I kept hidden for almost 40 years about being trafficked, I did it for me; I couldn’t keep it in any longer without imploding. Those who knew I was going to share it said, “Oh, Amy, this is going to help so many people!” That didn’t resonate for me at the time. It was inconceivable to me that it would resonate with others, or that others could even begin to relate. Yes, from the feedback I continue to receive, it ended up helping others; but, make no mistake, I originally did it for me.
Remember - ask for help, embrace the discomfort of triggers and know that you are enough. Make time to explore these steps as you prepare to for your next presentation. If you're still struggling or need support, please reach out - let me help you embrace your passion and prepare to speak your way out of shame.
With gratitude,
Amy
Amy Ayoub
President, The Zen Speaker