Dear Friends,
“I want to tell my story but I’m afraid I’ll start crying.”
“I need to learn to tell my story without getting emotional.”
“If I get emotional, the audience will think I’m weak and haven’t healed.”
These are some of the feelings my clients share with me. They are being called to step forward and speak, to share their experiences in order to support others in theirs, but fear holds them back.
What do I tell them? Cry. Get emotional. Your strength and healing will show in the vulnerability.
Imagine listening to someone tell a story of a traumatic situation that impacted their life without showing a bit of emotion. Serial killer material, perhaps? At the very least, if that’s how you’re telling your story, you may still be in the protection mode of disassociation and not ready to speak in a healthy, healing, heart-filled way yet. That’s okay; timing is everything. Take getting emotional during your storytelling as a sign that your healing is underway, without a doubt. Guess what? Allowing the audience to feel something—joy, sadness, empathy, etc.—is your gift to them; it’s the sign of a compelling speaker.
You won’t end up in the fetal position sobbing; that’s not what I mean by showing emotion!
If you get clear on why you’re sharing your lived experience, clear on how you hope it will benefit your listeners, and clear on what you hope your audience will think, do, or feel after hearing you, the fear will begin to disappear and even as you feel your emotions, you won’t be overwhelmed by them. And that’s the same for your audience…they (usually) aren’t therapists and aren’t equipped to handle a meltdown, nor should they be expected to do that.
That’s why it’s critically important to prepare what you’re going to say and how you’re going to say it. “I’m just going to speak from the heart,” is an optimistic way of saying, “I’m going to end up rambling from the heart.” Try preparing from the heart! That’s where the magic resides.
A great speaker is one who connects with their audience. Have you ever felt the speaker was talking directly to you? That’s connection. If you think about that experience, I bet you’ll remember how they showed some emotion which inspired emotion in you. Maybe it was sadness, anger, joy, fear, or surprise. You felt it…and that connected you…and that made the speaker memorable. If that’s the type of speaker you want to be, let yourself feel publicly what you feel privately. That’s vulnerability and that is the secret ingredient to all meaningful communication.
What are you feeling? I promise that if you talk about it, you’ll realize you’re not alone; and your audience will realize they aren’t, either! Gather your courage and vulnerability…your audience is waiting!
With gratitude,
Amy
Amy Ayoub
President, The Zen Speaker
info@thezenspeaker.com | thezenspeaker.com